Sabrang TV
Family Mediation
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Kam Lovel, B.Com., C.M.A Parkside Drive Pickering ONTARIO L1V 3N6 Tel: (416) 846-5265 |
Question: We had calls from parents worried about their children and they did not like your response of letting them be. What do you have to say about that?
Answer: I understand their pain and aggravation. I have gone through the same. We the parents from eastern part of the word seem to vest our lives in our children, without any consideration for when the children will become an adult and take over their lives. It is very difficult for us when they say to us “No” for the first time. It is difficult when they increasingly don't follow our thoughts and ways.
But the children once adult will continue to live independent lives. All we the parents can do is provide them a safe home to return to. Or if they are too disruptive ask them to leave and live their own lives.
Our children will eventually lead independent lives. We as parents need to be on hand to guide ,teach and provide a safe home to come to .
Question:What are typical reasons why the marriages end?
Answer: Vick before I answer this question, I want to state that viewers have to understand that marriage and divorce are complex occurrences. They have individual circumstances. They each have unique circumstances. (So all that I am saying today if not legal advice and should not be taken as perfect fit but seen as general comments.) The advice I give to you are general comments. There is no perfect fit. It is important to seek independent legal advice before taking action of any kind related to divorce. I also invite you contact me to discuss your particular situation. (Call me at 416-410-0434 or write to me at mediate@kamlovel.com )
About when and why marriages end? In Canada the law does not require a reason for a marriage to end. All a couple has to do is live separately from each other for one year and not have any hope of reconciliation.
Question: What happens when two people decide to end their marriage?
Answer: The Canadian Law treats the marriage as a partnership between two adults. (That is why it is good to have an agreement between the couple before the marriage starts about how they will live this beautiful partnership). And a partnership requires that the two individuals come to an agreement prior to marriage, detailing how they will live this marriage. It is advisable to legally document this agreement. Some things that are in Canadian law cannot be changed by making a contract, but lots can be. If there is no agreement then there are federal and provincial laws that define the marriage contract and how the end of the marriage should be treated.
The idea is that all assets and incomes accumulated by husband and wife should be divided equally. There are exceptions like the house they lived at the time of separation.
If there are children then the law looks at not what the parents consider fair but “what is in the best interest of the child?” And there are set rules on how to make sure that the children’s are looked after.
Question: What issues they have to think about?
Answer: There can be many issues :
Property Division ,
How to look after the financial and health needs of the children and ,
How to look after the financial and health needs of the parents.
Question: What are the ways they can go about getting a divorce?
Answer: The best is for both to sit down and come to an agreement. This allows both parties to keep things confidential and is least expensive.
But most cannot do this because so much emotional pain is being felt and they have problems with communicating... Also both may not know all their rights and obligations that are needed to be in the agreement, to allow the courts and judges to see the reasons and fairness of the agreements.
The next level and most cost effective way is to seek the services of a mediator like myself, who is expertly trained in helping individuals come to an agreement , a professional who is trained to mediate the family law cases.
Mediation allows creation of a safe environment, for both to express their needs and very importantly where their privacy and confidentiality are protected.
However, Mediation is not for everyone. A Mediator will conduct a screening interview to determine if this process is good for the particular couple.
It requires both parties to be able to talk freely and without fear. It also requires that each should have a good knowledge of what is best for them.
Couples can overcome most weaknesses by following the mediator’s recommendations. Also many mediators will reduce their fees if they find that mediation is not the right process for the couple. I reduce my fees to a token of $25 for the session, if I find that mediation is not the right path. for the couple.
Question: What is typical cost of getting a divorce?
Answer: The cost depends on the number of issues and how much cooperation exists between the couple.
Where the couple has reached an agreement by themselves and has also satisfied the law, can be as low as $1,000.
At the other extreme are couples fighting in the courts over each and every issue , the cost can go as high as $400,000.
That is why it does not serve any purpose to approach divorce from a point vengeance. The only thing that you will do is lose sleep, hurt your children and lose assets accumulated over the years with your hard work.
The best alternative is Mediation because it allows couples to reach a reasonable and equitable agreement that is seen as good by both sides, at an affordable cost.
Question: How long does the separation and payment agreement last?
Answer: Depending on the issues the agreement can last the lifetime of the parties.
Payments to look after the child are usually till the time child is no longer dependent on the parent, including the University education.
Payment to spouse can last his/her lifetime depending on individual situations.
Question: Can these agreements be changed if situation changes in future?
Answer: The law allows application for changes depending on circumstances. Again it is best to have a mediated agreement that also includes provisions for when the changes will be made and what to do if both cannot agree on how to change the old agreement.
Question: Some people are afraid to leave their home even though they want to because they feel they will not be able to afford or will get hurt. What should they do?
Answer: There are resources available . You can call your local family law courts. These courts usually have seminars to help those with needs to understand their rights and resources in their community.
Those who do not work can contact social agencies to seek help and directions. Some can contact their Human Resources department, at work, to enquire if they have an Employee Assistant Program. These provide counsellors to help understand what that person can do.
You are always welcome to call me. I may be able to do something for you. I do not charge for the inquiry phone conversations. You can call me at 416-410-0434 , toll free at 888-410-0434 or write to me at mediate@kamlovel.com .
