Family Mediation

Kam Lovel, B.Com., C.M.A   Family Mediator & Counsellor, Collaborative Law Facilitator and Coach Parkside Drive Pickering ONTARIO L1V 3N6 Tel: (416) 846-5265 Fax: Email: mediation@kamlovel.com

Question: We had a good response to our last program. Do you have any comments?

Answer: One question every one asked is what is my fees.  And the good news is that I don’t charge for telephone calls and initial meeting to determine what is possible.

You and I had lots of calls from Parents of grown up children ( 19 – 22 Years)  Parents were frustrated by children not coming home at night and not telling the parents about where they are.

My suggestion is for parents to acknowledge that their children have now grown up. Parents of adult children should create a life for them self. Give more attention to what they need in their life and for their enjoyment.  

This will allow the children to create a life for them self and make them responsible because they will find that their parent are no longer waiting up for them.

Question: I tell people you do family mediation, may be we can start by you telling what is Mediation

Answer: It is an attempt to resolve a dispute in a confidential way with the assistance of a mediator.

If you like we can talk later about why not just go to courts to settle disputes.

Question: Is it possible to settle disagreement  between family members? How to best do it?

Answer: I agree that and it is possible to talk and look after most problems.

The best way is to also add this:

If you are going to tell an inflammatory remark or question, tell other that you will be telling some thing that my upset you but please stay calm

Anger management tool – make an agreement in advance to use a single word that tells other that you have reached your limit and need to pause and the other must pause at that point, no matter what.

Question: Our program is focused on young folks.  What is the best way to get married in Canada so they will not have problems afterwards?

Answer: Most people think of marriage from their heart and that is a beautiful thing.

• But no one thinks about what if it will end.
• Most young folks think of love marriage as their ultimate goal.
• But the reality is that marriage is a start of a long beautiful journey together.
• Just like other long journey, once you agree to take it then why not sit down together and try to prepare how you two will live the marriage life.
• Take help from seniors from your home to get idea about what ideas you should talk about.

Then it is also a good idea make a legal contract.

Question:  NO WAY legal contract sound does not sound good.

Answer: You are right it does not sound good but in Canada every marriage is considered a partnership between two adults.

• Most people getting married here think that the marriage here is the same as back home but that is not how it is.
• Weather you like it or not but you will be contract bound. Either it will be contract that two of you will create that fits your thinking, your family and religion’s thinking
• Or you will be forced by the Canadian law to be bound to the contract created by the Canadian Government.
• Why let some else force their thinking on you.
• If you think you are mature enough to get married then why sit down and make contact that suits you

Now some things can not be changed by contract but a lot can be. So why not create a marriage that is a beautiful journey created just for you that with Gods blessing will last for this life time of yours or if for some reason it ends then it will end according to what you two think.

Question: This is a very interesting topic, May be next time we can talk about what happens when marriage breaks up.

Answer: When things go wrong, believe in the Gods that brought you together. Take a deep breath and look at the over all picture and do not react. Go away for while and take a walk. Reply only after you have given the situation and consequences a good deal of thoughts.

Remember arrow and words do not come back. They will hit their intended mark either for good or destruction.

It is my wish and pray that each of you who decides to get married have a life full of love and prosperity.

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